9 things I would say to my younger self…(10 years ago)

1. You had so much fun in Barcelona, but do not expect that your American boyfriend will keep contact with you. You will feel sad about this, but remember that there are more suitable persons for you, and you will find your match…                                                                                     
2. Please, do not befriend that boy in the Dutch discotheque…he, and his friends, will ruin 4 years of your precious life… And do not spend your photographs on them: you will burn them anyway.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        
3.                                                                                                                                                              Change from Leiden University to another University, change subjects if you like, but do not leave Uni, because you are still smart (just a bit confused right now)…
4. Enjoy your beautiful skin for the couple of years it takes.                                                                    
5. USE SUNBLOCK, even though the people around you say that tanned people are more beautiful.                                                                                                                                                        
6. Yes, he might be (so much) more beautiful than you, but if he is interested…go ahead. He will value your intellect and personality…(and think your eyes are gorgeous)                                                 
7. TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL, even if you think you are travelling a lot, you can travel so much more…                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
8. Be kind with your mother and enjoy being with her…she will have just a couple of years left to live… (or go and see several doctors with her who can detect the cancer in an early stage)           
9. Enjoy being innocent and naive…your intuition will keep you from doing really stupid things (and your older self knows)                                                                                                                        

How to…cope being alone

I have been thinking a lot about the ‘how to’ blog category lately. I was hesitating for letting the category exist in my blog: I am not the kind of person who likes to ‘impose’ my ‘fantastic help’ upon someone.

Secondly, I do not have the perfect life and I definately do not want to give advise I cannot follow myself, or have no experience in.

I wanted to write about a subject that I am fairly familiar with and that I can give some proper advise upon (turns out that I am not an expert in many things at all).

Therefore, I found the subject of being alone (do not confuse this with being lonely) to be quite appealing. I have been alone for large periods in my life, and recently, I have been alone during my exchange programm in the UK.

Funnily, by boyfriend pointed out that I was alone on every single picture taken at the Erasmus programm. He added that all other persons were on the pictures with someone else, except me…I found this to be quite confronting at first: I knew I was alone (also lonely) at several occasions in the UK, but I was not aware that I was alone during the time the pictures were made, the party moments.

• First, before giving my version of advise, listen to Nina Simone’s ”Ain’t Got No…” 

       As she points out: You can look at the things you do not have: Friends (good            company), good clothes, a social life, no sisters and brothers, no parents…However, you have yourself, and if you can read this blog, at least your eyes are functioning, you have access to internet, your brain functions to understand the reading word. There are probably more things that are working from your body. You have your best friend with you: that is you, yourself!

• There are six billion people on this earth. If you would really compromise, you could have company anytime. But remember, you do not want to be with just anybody! Our beautiful Italians would say: Meglio sola che male accompagnata or Better to be alone than in bad company. Do not let your own values and standards go in order to be liked.  In the past I was a big partyanimal with lots of ‘friends’. However,I have never felt as lonely as in a crowd with ’friends’ that were no good to me (laugh behind my back, sabotaging my life, doing drugs, ignoring me when I needed a listening ear the most). Therefore yes, you are better alone than in bad company.
• Honestly, I am not the most positive person in the world, however, I do believe that there are semi-soulmates to be found on earth. They can never be a full match to your personality, but they can make friend-potential.
• Moreover, I am not that spiritually connected either. Still, if you can find some strength from a higher source (God, spirit, other spiritual guidance) you will know that you are never totally on your own.
• If you are a complete atheist, then you can count on the ’spirit’ of the self, your subconsious, to be your friend.
• Try to see friendship beyond the obvious: your grandmother can be a wonderful friend, sometimes you have a connection with the lady in the supermarket, or, a pet can be a wonderful companion.
• Ofcourse, internet can do wonders for the socially deprived among us. I have found some lovely companion on forums about the funniest topics. Ok, it is not the ‘hollywood’-type of friendship, but it is a connection that can make you feel ok about yourself. Look for persons who like similar activities, and write as you like.
• Do not obsess about having the beforementioned “hollywood”-like friendship! Friendship is being exaggerated in films and series: for example: the girls in Sex and the City are not the same bunch of happy friends in real life. These versions of friendship are almost always idealised, and trying to keep up with this idyllic picture is not realistic for a friendship.
• Enjoy being alone! I love having friends, but every now and then…it is better to do things on your own and explore your own feelings about something. I love to shop on my own, without pressure from somebody else. Again, there are 6 billion people on this planet, it can feel good to totally connect with your self, instead of being in a crowd with different opinions and influences…enjoy the sentiment of feeling good about yourself.
• Take quality over quantity. I do not have as many persons in my life as I used to have. The ones I have, are real friends. In the past, I actually ‘deleted’ some ‘friends’ who were not beneficial to me. In the beginning, it can feel somewhat lonely, but you feel better when the negative influences are out of your life…keep up the good flow.

Ok, as I mentioned earlier…this is just my opinion and you can see what you can do with this. I am not a guru or something (always question any gury, by the way), but it is just some things I learned in my weary life…teehee…

So, have fun with the people who value….

2008, what would Jesus do?

At Aigburth, I had a lovely discussion with the slightly delusional V about Jesus in our modern age…After some alcohol, or perhaps even without alcohol, he claimed to be the modern Jesus. Wonderful (in the Wonder sense too)…

Anyway, it made me wonder if Jesus would still be such a’”nice man” (my own quotation, very lame) in our modern age. I mean, there were not that many people at the place he was born and raised for 30 years, which is slightly different from our modern dwellers. Who would he support? the homeless, the nymphomaniacs, the gay gangbangers?

Anyway, I absolutely love this photoshoot I found on photodecadent, which answers my question in a beautiful, visual manner:

So, could you be as kind as Jesus would be for 2008?